If you know me or you follow me on Instagram, you know my husband and I have a very good relationship. We've been together for five years, married for a little over two, and are still crazy in love. I'm not a relationship expert by any means and we haven't been married for an insane amount of time yet but there are a few things we do that I know makes our relationship so great and I wanted to share it with you guys!
1. Don't use sarcasm. I often hear other couples being sarcastic towards one another, especially when around other people. It's that passive aggressive tone that can really undermine the respect you have for each other and it doesn't lift the other person up - rather the opposite. It can hurt the other person as it often hides an insult or some issue you have with your spouse. Treat each other with respect and speak lovingly between you, it'll make a huge difference. If there is something that's bothering you, just say it vs using "sarcastic humor" to express it.
2. Be open and honest with each other. Your partner doesnt have to know every single thing that you've ever done of course, but it's important to be open and honest about your needs and your feelings. This one can be particularly tough, and its something I struggle with a lot. I usually dont like to be vulnerable but when you're married, you kind of have to. Thats part of the intimacy. I think a lot of people struggle with this, and its something you have to work on if you do. For example, since I injured my back I've really been struggling at times. Not only do I feel physically weak but mentally as well. I need my husbands support on a few things that I can't do myself and I had to tell him that, which was very very hard. I hate admitting that I'm vulnerable or need help, but thats part of the whole "for better or for worse" and "in sickness and in health".
3. Never EVER speak bad about each other behind each others backs! Then why are you married?? I dont understand this at all, but its something I see quite often. Women bashing their husbands to their friends. Venting about certain things to your girlfriends I suppose is fine, but to really go on and on about how terrible your husband is - then leave him! You cannot be in a marriage where you basically hate the other person. Why would you do that to yourself? My husband is my best friend, I love him so so so much. I would never speak bad about him, I'm his biggest fan! And I'll defend him until the end. Thats what marriage is!
4. Pick your battles. This is a tough one sometimes but you have to weigh the pros and cons of certain confrontations. For example, if your husband keeps leaving the toilet seat up (probably like every other husband on this planet) is that really such a big deal? Worth fighting/nagging over every week? Not really, in my opinion. It takes me 2 seconds to put the toilet seat down. If he keeps leaving his water glass on the counter, is that really a huge issue? No, not really. Also, look at yourself and what annoying habits you have. Living together (especially with a man) isnt always rainbows and unicorns, but I encourage you to take an honest look at yourself. I can guarantee you have some annoying little quirks yourself! However, if there are more serious tings going on you need to discuss those immediately - money, alcohol, gambling, drugs, whatever it might be. Thats a battle worth picking.
5. Make sure your values are aligned. Ideally this should happen before you get married (obviously). You need to make sure you have the same view on key issues - politics, money management, careers, family, etc. Do you both want kids, or not? Do you both value your careers? Do you both have the same outlook on financial matters? The last one is so important but not very sexy. However, it can lead to huge issues down the road if you're not on the same page. Are you a spender and he's a saver or vice versa? Does he spend all his money on cars and toys, while you're trying to build your 401k? Do you buy everything on credit while he prefers to save for it? Be very clear on these things and how you want to manage your money. Will you have separate accounts or a joint one? If one of you makes significantly more than the other, how are you going to handle that? Money issues is one of the leading reasons for divorce so making sure you're both aligned, and talking openly about these things, will help greatly.
6. Dont go clubbing, at least not all the time. This is a killer for any relationship. Nightclubs are not a good environment for a marriage. People are drunk, wearing skimpy outfits, and usually looking for fun. You dont want to be the target of unwanted attention in front of your guy, causing a nuclear testosterone situation - and you certainly dont want some drunk girl thinking she can steal your hubby and then act all crazy about it wanting to fight you (there are some crazy people out there). Nightclubs are a breeding ground for jealousy and drama and I'd recommend staying away from them - but to each their own of course.
7. Do fun stuff together, just the two of you! Hanging out in groups is fun but I think its really important to get time with just the two of you. This will bring you closer and make your relationship really solid. If you can't stand being alone together, you might not be quite right for each other.
8. Dont stop dating each other! Dont stop surprising each other and doing romantic things. My husband and I email little love notes to each other during the day. When I travel for work I leave a note on his pillow so he finds it when he goes to bed that day. He still holds doors for me and he always opens my car door (every. single. time). I in turn always say thank you, and never take it for granted.
Do you have any marriage tips of your own? Please share, would love to hear them!